I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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