trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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