Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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