you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
