Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
