And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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