it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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