What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
