Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
