my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
