I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
