guys are only as good as the porn they watch
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
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