you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
