Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
