"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize