i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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