Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
