he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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