that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
