So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
