the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
