I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
