I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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