I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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