the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
