i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
