I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I stole a fireplace last night.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
