i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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