I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
