i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Randomize
