If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
