He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
