I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
