you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
