I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
