i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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