I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
