i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
