I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize