I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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