Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I need water and some morals
Randomize
