o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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