Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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