Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
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