I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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