quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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