You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
