why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
There r osticjed everywhere
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
True strength comes from lack of pants
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
