Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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