If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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