in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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