Your face is a jimmy john
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
