remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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