Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
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