Is it because I queefed?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
