I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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