Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
