Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
