there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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