is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
