Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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