Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
