C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
