He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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