Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
i've created a new STD.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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