you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
