he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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