Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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