Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
