Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
