It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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