is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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