Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Randomize
