Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
