I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Randomize
