I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
this is an emotional support booty call
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize