i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
