Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I am available for nakedness
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
