my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
