Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Randomize
