know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
