where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
