I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
