She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
