I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
