Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
