This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
