hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
