hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
