I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
