remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
