Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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