why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
